Depression

No one wants to talk about depression.

Why is that?

What are people so afraid of?

I am going to talk about it and if you don’t want to know more about it and learn something from my perspective then find another post to read. I am not here to sugarcoat anything or put a pretty spin on the topic, this is my truth.

Was I born with depression? No. But has it been something that has developed over time? Sure!

I was your “typical” kid I guess. Always in a good mood (except when we all had our tantrums or bad moods), I had a bunch of friends, a wonderful imagination, a fantastic family and I wasn’t glued to the TV, Tablets, Cell phones, Video games and the such. I was outside playing sports, exploring in the neighborhood, making things up do to, nothing that most kids do these days. But that was me and a majority of my friends, just kids being kids.

As I got older, things in life changed, school got harder, friendships got a bit more challenging when drugs, alcohol and guys got in the way, but I thankfully didn’t get into any of that, even when I was down and out because my parents were getting a divorce. I was angry, not depressed when that happened. Now, I am O.K. with it (and I am sure in your head you are saying “Yeah right”) but in 100% all honesty I am. A lot of people who personally know me said they wish all divorces ended up this way for the kids because all of us get a long and our parents do as well. Of course it didn’t start out that way, this is post is not about that.

First off, what IS Depression?

• When feelings of intense sadness, including feeling helpless, hopeless and worthless, last for many days to weeks and keep you from functioning normally.

So that tells you WHAT it is, but what are symptoms?

Symptoms of Depression:

1. Depressed mood during the day, particularly in the morning

2. Fatigue or decreased/loss of energy almost every day

3. Feelings of worthlessness, guilt and/or helplessness, pessimism

4. Insomnia (an inability to sleep) or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) almost every day

5. Irritability, restlessness

6. Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activities nearly daily

• Hobbies once pleasurable, including sex

1. Recurring thoughts of death or suicide (not just fearing death)

2. Significant weight loss or weight gain

• Over eating or appetite loss

1. Persistent ache or pains, headaches, cramps or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment

Back to me......how do I know that I have depression?

Well I have been clinically diagnosed. After I got out of college I felt like I couldn’t get out of my own way, I wanted to do "things" , fun things with friends and family but I couldn’t get myself to actually do them. You know the saying, “all roads are paved with good intentions”? Well that was me, I always had good intentions about what I wanted to do, I just could never get them done. It was annoying and debilitating. I might get an invite to go do something but I would find a “reason” to not go. That definitely isn’t me, I am outgoing, life of the party, always on the go, but it was me at that point in time.

MY Symptoms of Depression:

1. Depressed mood during the day, particularly in the morning

2. Fatigue ALL the time and loss of energy

3. Insomnia (an inability to sleep) Finally diagnosed with this in 2016

4. Irritability, restlessness (yup, and this is a pet peeve of mine)

5. Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activities nearly daily

• Hobbies once pleasurable, including sex - oh for the love of god....do i have to admit this...no but i will. Talk about a downer!!! Who doesn't want to be into sex :)

1. Recurring thoughts of death or suicide (not just fearing death) - NO!!!! Have I thought that life might be easier if i were not here, sure but i could never in a million years take my own life.

2. Weight gain......BOO!!!! I love food a little too much, lol!

I finally decided it was time to start seeing a therapist (not a psychologist), just someone to talk to about anything and everything that I wanted to in life. I had some issues with men (because of a relationship in college that was mentally destroying, and the fact my dad had left us). I wanted the ability to talk to someone who didn’t know me or anyone else that I was associated with. This way there was no prejudgment of who I was/am. It has been the best thing I have ever done, hands down!

Yes I had to see a psychiatrist at one point because I do need some medications to help me, but now my PCP (Primary Care Physician) can manage them for me.

I hate being depressed!!! Who would like it? Duh!

A lot of people who are depressed come across as “fine” or “normal” from everyone’s point of view, but that is because most of us who live with this on a daily basis are able to hide it behind a façade. My guess is you have a bunch of friends who deal with what I deal with on a regular basis, but people are ashamed of it so they don't talk about it

I am NOT ashamed to say that I have depression!!!! Does it suck? ABSOLUTELY!!!

But it is something that I can work on to make better. There is no “cure for depression, no magical medication that when we take it we will be all better. Yes of course there IS medication that we can take to help us, but it isn’t something that you take and all of a sudden you feel better and poof you are able to function the way you used it. It takes time and effort and support.

If you know someone who has depression, ask them if they want to talk about it. If not, then don't take it offensively, maybe they are just not ready. Don't treat them any differently then you used to, we don't have a disease that you catch lol. We need support, you don't need to know everything just be there for us to check in, help pull us out when need be. Support is so big, to at least me it is. I need my friends and family to know what is going on, to be there for me and help me move along. Without them I would not be where I am today.

Am I all better? No. This is a struggle every day and yes it gets better as time goes, on but as life throws things at me I have to learn to adjust and keep plugging along and not let it get in my way.

Don't give up!!!! Things improve, take your time and don't give up!

If you ever need to talk to someone, hit me up1